April 2008


This must be meme week! I found this one over at Just Making It Up (run over there and read about her recovery from her “little nap,” aka coma!) and I had to steal it.

i am: mom wife friend writer yogini teacher
i think: constantly — my mind is like a hamster on a wheel
i know: that being kind is the most important thing
i want: three more hours in a day
i have: more than i ever imagined i could have
i wish: i could travel around the world and be a gypsy
i hate: nothing
i miss: my dad
i fear: flesh-eating bacteria
i feel: peaceful
i hear: the sound of pencil scratching as my daughter does her homework
i smell: vanilla cupcakes
i crave: absolute silence and time to write
i search: on google way too much
i wonder: if i’ll ever finish my novel
i regret: nothing
i love: my family and friends
i ache: in my sacrum (not enough yoga)
i care: about all of the people who suffer
i always: have a hard time waking up in the morning
i am not: into arguing with people
i believe: that the universe is full of mystery
i dance: like a dork
i sing: at the top of my lungs in the car alone
i cry: a little bit almost every day
i don’t always: exercise enough
i fight: for my kids
i write: all the time
i win: at scrabble occasionally
i lose: my patience more often than i should
i never: am caught up on the laundry
i confuse: my children, on purpose
i listen: better than i talk
i can usually be found: driving my kids from point a to point b
i am scared: of something bad happening to my family
i need: quiet and clarity
i am happy about: spending my summer with family and friends

I’m not going to tag, but feel free to do this one if you want — it’s fun!

And another meme: Jvalways tagged me on the six random things one:

I have done a version of this one a few times, and I may soon run out of random things! How about these:

1. I can move my little toes independently of all my other toes.  If anyone can think of a way to turn this into a money-making skill, I’m listening.

2. I have a high pain tolerance. I’ve given birth both with and without the epidural, and I prefer without. I come from a long line of very tough farm women.

3. The one thing that really pisses me off is when people speak to me in a condescending manner.  That is just about the only thing that will get me riled up enough to be obnoxious to someone.

4. I have a four-inch wide white stripe of skin on my belly between my ribcage and belly button that never tans.  That is one reason I don’t wear two piece bathing suits.

5. I once briefly traveled by canoe down the Caroní River in Venezuela, and rode in a small airplane that buzzed Angel Falls (which was terrifying).  I got a million bug bites on that trip and learned the Spanish word for “no-see-um’s”: no-lo-ves.

6. I never, ever get enough sleep.

Again, no tags!  Hope I didn’t bore you completely!!

Wineymomma tagged me for the




which was started over here.

1. What food do you consider the best “date” food? In other words, what meal or food item do you think is sexiest to eat in the company of someone you would like to look sexy around?

Oh my goodness, trying to look sexy while eating is SO out of the realm of my current reality. I mean, ever since I had kids, just getting through a meal without staining my shirt with pasta sauce or having someone puke on me is an achievement. But if I dig back into the deep dark recesses of my memory, I can recall a lovely sexy “meal” involving chocolate-covered strawberries and champagne.

2. What well-known person would you like to share a meal with?

Jon Stewart. Because he’s so funny and cute. My husband doesn’t have to come, right?

3. What does your perfect breakfast-in-bed look like? (Food AND the details, please. Candles? Music? Flowers? Hot tub? Dancing girls?)

Probably waffles and a latte, made by my kids, topped off with lots of snuggles and hugs.

4. What do you consider the best application of whipped cream to be?

On top of pumpkin pie. And it has to be real homemade whipped cream, with a little sugar and vanilla in it. None of that canned stuff.

5. Oh-God-No, Biff, the yacht is sinking! You are sent to the galley to retrieve the food. What luxury food items do you snatch first? The champagne? The caviar? Smoked Salmon? Truffles? Chocolate? Or something else?

Well, are we going to be marooned on an island for a long time? Because in that case I’d grab the Power Bars and nonperishable canned items. But if a boat is coming right along to rescue us, I’d take the expensive cheese and chocolate, and the Venezuelan rum. Oh, and the BEETS!!!


The Rules…
“Answer each of the five questions. Tag five bloggers you would like to pass the meme to. Have them link back to you and to this post as the source meme. You and they can take the graphic from here if they like.”

I’m terrible with tagging but let’s see, here are a few people who either a) love food b) write about food c) have shared recipes with me or d) I am just curious to see what they have to say:

Wyrdbyrd
(Un)RelaxedDad
Wayne
Charlotte
Jenna

Today is FrogGirl’s ninth birthday (OMG!  My baby is 9!!! *wiping away wistful tears*).  One of her birthday gifts was a hamster. He lives in a hamster castle, and therefore his name is Prince. Or also, the Hamster Formerly Known as Prince. Don’t worry, he doesn’t really have a little hamster sword and shield, but his eyes really are red. Anyway, he is very sweet and LOVES his little hamster wheel, and FrogGirl is completely besotted with him.

I might have to change her nickname to HamsterGirl.

No time for a real post so I will have to fall back on the “cute kid” post.  This is FrogGirl working on writing a story for school.  She said that the hat helps her think, “because it’s hard and it keeps all of the thoughts from flying out.”

I think I need one of those hats.  I feel rather scatterbrained.

On Tuesday, my dear friend Sparky (a yogini friend and occasional commenter here) left for a trip to India, where she will see the Taj Mahal and study yoga in in Mysore for a month at Pattabhi Jois’ Ashtanga Yoga Research Institute. Sparky was my first “yoga friend,” and we used to practice in a chilly corner of her basement, testing each other on the Sanskrit names of poses and generally trying to figure out what this crazy practice was about. So I am, of course, thrilled for her that she gets the chance to go on this amazing adventure. And, okay, I am a little bit jealous too! (p.s. Sparky, send us an email so we know you’re okay!)

Before Sparky left, I gave her a copy of what I think must be the perfect book for a woman traveling to India: Enlightenment for Idiots. This brand-new novel by Anne Cushman, a contributing editor to Yoga Journal and Tricycle, features Amanda, a 29-year-old freelance writer and yogini from San Francisco, who is asked to travel through India to write a travel guide for spiritual seekers. This novel brings a delightful, hilarious mix of chick-lit and spiritual insight; I found myself laughing out loud at so many of the novel’s funny moments, and chuckling in sympathy with the very human foibles of the novel’s cast of yogis, gurus and everyday folks. You can find out more about the novel here, or purchase it here!

I was honored to have the opportunity to interview Anne Cushman. Our discussion is below:

What was the genesis of Enlightenment for Idiots? How did your own experiences as a practitioner of yoga and meditation come into the writing of the novel?
I’ve always been interested, in my writing, in exploring the intersection between the lofty ideals of spiritual practice and the way those ideals actually play out in our flawed but beautiful human lives. I’m particularly interested in the experiences of contemporary Western women as we practice these paths that were designed primarily by and for celibate Eastern men. I wanted to write a book that explored these themes not as concepts, but as stories. In doing so, I drew on my many years of yoga and meditation practice to create an inner and outer world through which a fictional character could travel—a young woman on a spiritual quest who’s struggling with real-world issues to which many contemporary seekers can relate.

You’ve written numerous articles on yoga and meditation for such publications as Yoga Journal and Tricycle, as well a guide to spiritual travel in India, so you obviously have a great deal of experience writing about the topics in the novel. Was your writing process for work of fiction very different from the way you approach your non-fiction work? Did you learn anything unexpected about the process along the way?

Yes, writing fiction was a very different process from writing nonfiction. I did draw on the basic disciplines and skills of writing that I’d developed over the years. But in order to write fiction, I needed to go into a kind of dream state; a receptive, intuitive space in which I could hear my characters and their story speaking to me. It had less to do with willpower, and more to do with surrender—although, as in yoga, both elements needed to be present for the story to unfold.

Amanda, your main character, begins her journey to India under the assumption that enlightenment is something one can find “out there” by delving into different traditions of yoga and meditation, by visiting the “right” places and consulting gurus. By the end of the novel, she’s come to a very different conclusion. Can you talk a little bit about that American idea of finding enlightenment and the perils and pitfalls of Amanda’s approach?

I think the idea that awakening lies far away—and in the future—is an insidious force in spiritual practice that every practitioner struggles with at some point, not just Americans. As humans it’s hard to believe that, as Amanda says, the advice to be in the present moment actually refers to “THIS present moment, not some better one.” However, the “shopping” approach to spiritual practice is a phenomenon that has really flourished to an unprecedented degree in our consumer society, with often hilarious results. While it’s great to explore a wide range of practices, this consumer attitude can prevent us from really sticking with any of them long enough to experience any substantial benefit.

Amanda consults various gurus throughout the novel, and experiences moments of clarity in each of the different practices they recommend, but doesn’t really find any one guru to follow. In fact, when she finds the one she is most drawn to as “her” guru, that guru sends her away. Other characters have complicated relationships with their gurus, and some gurus show problematic attitudes (such as injury in yoga shows “resistance to surrendering to your teacher.”) What are your thoughts on a healthy and productive student/teacher relationship in yoga and meditation? Do you think that as Americans, we can or should ever surrender to the guru in the way that is expected in Indian culture?

One Indian teacher told me that traditionally, a yoga practitioner was advised to observe and study with a teacher for at least 12 years before accepting him or her as a guru. Our Western ideas of “surrender” look very different from those of the East, where the guru-student roles are traditionally supported—and circumscribed—by a whole range of social customs and strictures that are absent here. Personally, I have had many teachers but no gurus—so although I honor the guru path as an option, I can’t speak from personal experience about its benefits. I do, however, have deep respect and gratitude for the many teachers who have offered me guidance on my journey.

This novel has so many laugh-out-loud moments and satirical insights about how Americans approach yoga and meditation. For example, I loved the moment in the REI store when Amanda comments that going on a spiritual pilgrimage requires buying a lot of stuff. How did you walk the fine line in your writing between satire and respect for spiritual traditions?

Personally, I feel that our human lives are often funniest when they are most serious. I do deeply respect the spiritual teachings and traditions that I have learned so much from. At the same time, the scenes that grow up around these traditions are populated by human beings—and as humans, we can’t help but be absurd at moments.

My favorite character was the wandering Texan sadhu Devi Das; his “crazy wisdom” always delighted me and made me think. In an article for Salon, you wrote about a similar person you met in real life — Charan Das. Was he the inspiration for Devi Das? Can you talk a bit about how the two compare?
The real-life Charan Das was one of multiple “seeds” or initial inspirations that helped me dream up the fictional Devi Das character—a Western sadhu who speaks of himself as “we.” However, the fictional Devi Das grew from those beginnings into a completely different person, with his own unique past, present, and future. For instance, I never traveled or even spent much time with Charan Das, as Amanda does with Devi Das—I met him only on a few brief occasions. And while I never learned much about his background, I do know that he did not have a twin brother who tragically died, as Devi Das did.

What are you working on now? Will you continue to write fiction, or are you working on other types of projects?
I love writing fiction, and have started another novel!

I went to my office-away-from-home this morning (aka Panera, a bakery with free wifi) to try to get a quick bit of blogging in before taking my son’s class on a field trip.  Alas, I ran into some parents from school and spent my blogging time chatting with them.  Don’t you hate it when your real life interferes with your internet life?

After that I went on a lovely field trip by the banks of the South Platte River where I learned what a cut bank is, saw lots and lots of birds, and got slightly pink in the sun. It was a gorgeous day.  The kids were great.  It was one of those times when it all seems worth it.

Lately many of my dad’s friends and relatives have been sharing their stories and memories about him and his life. I have heard so many wonderful things about him, how inspiring he was to his students, how much he influenced friends and family to look at things differently. I didn’t know that he commanded a dear friend, at age 20, never to light up another cigarette — and that friend never has. (And how ironic that is!)  I didn’t know that another friend considered him “the strongest person I’ve ever known.”  On some level, I knew these things through my own experiences with him, but on another level, I find myself wishing that people had shared their memories with me before his death so that I could have appreciated him even more.  And of course, I wonder if he even knew how much he meant to people.  He had his own struggles to deal with and I just wonder how much it might have helped him to hear for himself what an inspiration he was to so many people.

And so, I find myself wondering if I have told my friends and family what they mean to me.  Have I told my favorite aunt how much her love and support have meant to me?  Does my best friend know how many times her wise words have inspired me to get through another day?  I have promised myself that I will try to overcome my natural reserve and let people know how much I love them and what their presence has meant in my life.

What about you?  Is there anyone who might appreciate knowing what they have meant to you?  Can you pick up the phone today, or send a card, or just give them a gentle hug and say, “I appreciate you”?  Tell them Yogamum sent you!  And let me know how it goes….

Normally I think kids’ sleepover parties are a huge pain in the butt, but when they are at someone else’s house, they’re great. FrogGirl was invited to a sleepover birthday party Saturday night, and at the last minute FreckleBoy finagled an invitation to another friend’s house. Which left me and my husband with a few blessed kid-free hours together to have dinner out and watch TWO movies uninterrupted at home.

We watched “Seven Years in Tibet,” which I thought was enjoyable and beautifully filmed, but a little skimpy on plot. Basically, Brad Pitt’s character is an Austrian mountain-climbing jerk during WWII, and then he hangs out with the young Dalai Lama in Tibet, and he is no longer a jerk. We also watched “Once”; an Irish street musician guy meets a Czech immigrant girl and they share their angst and make a beautiful demo album together, and at the end there is Hope for both of them. Actually that movie is much better than I made it sound; it’s very moving and the music is gorgeous.

My main accomplishment for the weekend was not falling asleep in either movie. It’s been a while since I managed to make it through one movie without dozing off, let alone two.

Tonight the ashtangis came over for practice and an amazing dinner. I never cease to be amazed by how well these people cook! We had vegetable biriyani, veggie lasagna, black bean soup, some amazing salads, various dips, and several desserts. I always feel like I need to do yoga AGAIN after one of these potlucks. Plus it is so wonderful to have these people with such amazing energy in my life.

I stupidly volunteered to do stuff at school every day this week so blogging may be slow. Talk amongst yourselves.

My dad was never a big dessert baker, preferring to confine his culinary expeditions to the “slab of meat rubbed in spices cooked over an open flame and doused in BBQ sauce” school of cooking. But he did make one exception: chess pie. This sweet Southern pie was a staple at our family Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. Dad was born in Tennessee, and while there is debate about the origins of the pie and its name, many Southerners have their own family version. It’s basically a custard pie, with a little bit of cornmeal that turns into a crunchy top upon cooking, and some vinegar to cut the sweetness just slightly.

Tonight we have been invited to share a meal of Southern cooking with some friends, and I was asked to bring dessert. Of course, the first thing I thought of was chess pie — a sweet something with Southern soul. You can see from the photo above that it’s a homely pie, not very pretty, but what it lacks in beauty, it makes up in taste.

Here’s my Meemaw’s recipe, if you’re interested:

Meemaw’s Chess Pie
(with a teeny Yogamum twist)

1 cup white sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar (Meemaw used only white sugar)
6 eggs
1 tbsp. cornmeal
5 tbsp. milk
1 tsp. vanilla
1 tsp. white vinegar
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, melted
One pie crust of your choice

Beat eggs, sugar and cornmeal until smooth. Add vanilla, milk and vinegar. Stir in cooled, melted butter. Pour into unbaked shell and bake at 350° for 35-40 minutes, until center is set.

There is this tension, I find, in the grieving process, between wanting to carry on with your life as it is, and between wanting to collapse in a heap and simply be with your grief.  I am taking the first route (most of the time) because I feel the best way to honor my dad and his life, is to do the things he always did and would have me do:  care for my family, connect with friends, do good work in the world, and always, always keep on learning.

So I have thrown myself into a new job, into writing projects, into taking my children to their customary activities.  And for the most part, it feels like the right thing to do.  It keeps my energy humming and it keeps me engaged and interested in life.  However, I have moments when I feel like screaming, “How can I possibly be expected to do all of this?  I’m grieving!”  I happened across this blog entry by UUMomma, who commented here for the first time the other day and who also lost her father recently.  I found myself nodding my head in agreement.  Where are the rituals, the observable signals that we have lost someone dear to us?  What have we lost in giving up those outward signs of mourning that allowed others to realize that we should be treated gently?

My mother-in-law, when her own mother died, chose to wear black and white for a year in her honor.  At the time, I thought that was silly, morose, even self-indulgent.  But now I see how that can be a tangible reminder, to others and to oneself, to tread lightly.

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